i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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