"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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