So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
