There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
