Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
