I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
