Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
