i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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