Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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