i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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