If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There was a lot of him and a little penis
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
