Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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