Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
