i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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