I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
