Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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