Are we in a gay sports bar?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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