How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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