im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
