Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
