dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
