11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she looked like the before picture.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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