She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
this is an emotional support booty call
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
