I wish my penis had an off switch
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
