it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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