I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
