Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize