This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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