I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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