no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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