the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
