Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize