i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
