My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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