dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
