Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
