i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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