just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just gargled with NyQuil
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
