after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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