Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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