Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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