the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
