my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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