She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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