Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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