it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
