xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
