She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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