I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She bit a glass in half.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
