I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
