I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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