Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
