I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
