We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
