i just wanna soil my oats bro
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
