I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
