Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
