Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
