I hate all girls vehemently.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
