Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I met the friendliest cop last night
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
