why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize