wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
