How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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