You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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