that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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