so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
