anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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