She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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