just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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