dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
