I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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