i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
