She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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