Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
