Sry I called you an 8
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
