i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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