I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
