I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
