I think my fart just growled at me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
