my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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