Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
