Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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