You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
