i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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