Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I met the friendliest cop last night
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A bitchslap is in order.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize