If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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