I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
