I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
