nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
ttyl tear gas
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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