I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I cut my penus on the lid.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
