You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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