I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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