I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
