I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
