You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
